Seriously?

There are certain things we stop congratulating ourselves for in adulthood: reading a chapter book, distinguishing between print and cursive, and using the potty to name a few. So why is it that this crop of children's (OK, I'll give you "young adult") books have come out, taken the adult world by storm and all of a sudden everyone's proud of themselves for reading.

Harry Potter. I'm sure it is "way different from those other fantasy novels," but since when is anything written in 20-point font acceptable reading matter for grownups? It's not. There are plenty of folks who just want to be a part of whatever's big at the time, but then do we need to boast about it? "I read a book [written for eight-year-olds] IN TWO WEEKS FLAT!" Seriously? Get a life.

And now Twilight. If my practically un-researched assumptions are correct, this one's about an underclassmen living out her "bad boy" fantasies with one who happens to be a vampire. I'm pretty sure high school protagonists are best suited for middle school readers. Remember Sweet Valley High and The Babysitter's Club? Even the Babysitters Little Sister Series was tailored to like 7 year olds. Why? Because you can't sell the rest of us on how awesome high school is. We've been there. And we know that the bad boy plays out more like a depressing after-school special involving an "apartment" above your parents' garage and making weed butter to melt over ramen noodles.

Maybe it's because so many of us stop reading when the requisite summer book lists stop coming from English teachers, but we never let go of the "reading level" we're handed in grade school. Oh wait, that can't be it. You read Shakespeare and Richard Wright and the Odyssey in highschool. So... I can't think of a single reason for this crap. Let's be done with it.

Why am I actually mad? Because blithering idiots become millionaires on the sales of a single book (that sucks). You know who you are, people. Stop buying into the hype and make me some ramen.