Resident Jew

Today is the eve of a major Jewish holiday. That's about all anyone knows who isn't an m.0.t. in their own right. That's where I come in, apparently, serving as the resident Jew. My job includes such tasks as recommending an apropos dessert to bring to a Rosh Hashanah dinner (apple dumplings, duh).

"Laura, I know this guy is Jewish and I want to say happy holidays. I mean, I can't say 'shalom,' right?" The answer to that is, of course you can. But you'll look a little ridiculous.

I love fielding these queries, as I'm almost excessively proud of my heritage, but how do others feel? Does a non-practicing Jew get hit with it this time of year? Do they feel out of place or weird responding? And what if someone hasn't openly claimed their faith. This strikes me as asking a bespectacled passerby where the nearest Apple store is, because they look "smart." Is that rude?

Stay tuned for the Christmas decorations in public spaces debate...

Just kidding.

The Starbucks Fruit & Nut Fiasco

Don't ask why I was inspired to buy a $3 (for as many ounces) pack of dried fruit and nuts at Starbucks today. But I was.

In the face of an economic meltdown, I feel required to tell you all not to buy this shit. Ever. It tastes like they took some perfectly good trail mix, sprayed it with industrial, imitation orange flavor and let it sit in a warehouse for a few years while brainstorming the perfect tagline. (They settled on: "a medley of sweet and savory." Of course.)

Now, finally, as a sidecar to their "perfect oatmeal," sbux has released this toxic catastrophe and I effing fell for it. Kinda makes you doubt my character, doesn't it?

Things that make ya say hm #1: Why do we buy everything Starbucks tells us to, even when it tastes like asscake?

I'm gonna ponder that while I sip on my double grande nonfat latte.