Gummy Candy is Weird

I'm just chewing on some amazingly good Haribo gummy bears, and I got to ruminating on who came up with this weird ass food. I mean, candy? Makes sense. Gummies? Sure, why not. But who made the leap from chewing gum and such, to bears and worms made of dextrose (and other, harder to spell, things)?

When are bears and worms ever grouped together? What do they have in common that other animals are missing? And how were they chosen? I'm picturing a bunch of Willy Wonkas sitting around an edible conference table, gnawing on their seats, thinking aloud. "I like bears," says the challenged boy in the corner. "Well I like worms," a staffer plays along. Then, smushing a gummy gavel on the table, the CEO says, "bears and worms, then. Dogs or cats? Let's not get outlandish. And we'll make rats, but they have to be jumbo and only sold around halloween."

And that was that. Gummy goodness was poured into molds in the shape of bears and worms only, for the rest of eternity. Which is, coincidentally, exactly as long as I'll have them resting inside my digestive tract. That's how I see it, at least. It feels like the bears disagree, or maybe they're just having some kind of clear and yellow vs. red and green civil war in my belly. oh sweet, sweet pain.

Secret Clinical Strength is a Straight Lie

Now, don't get your pit-stains in a bunch thinking that I have some hyperactive sweat glands. I don't. I'm a lady, and anyway, I pretty much never get my heart pumping at a rate my body might confuse with exercise. But I saw the Secret Clinical Strength and was sold (mainly by the exclusive cardboard box packaging), on the thought that if it works for super sweaters, it would be super sweat-preventing on me.

Well I was right. This stuff is amazing. What's the lie, you wonder? The label says "advanced solid." I was pretty excited because I'm a strict solid-only user when it comes to deodorant. I don't like the tingly, earth-killing sensation of aerosol sprays and CAN NOT STAND the mushy gel that you "click" through slots atop the applicator. Guess what? That's what the "advanced solid" is. Looks like this clinical strength secret is so high powered, it advanced right past solid into a sticky gel form. Fun. Also you have to crank the applicator about 8 times to get the gel to come out for your first use, which means your extra expensive deo is actually only half the prod you'd get in a normal stick. [boo. hiss. don't they know it's a recession?!]

I guess if this were a consumer review, I'd still recommend the product. It works, and doesn't have an offensive 'spring rain baby powder fresh chamomile lavender' scent. But, damn, it's not a solid.

Why would they lie? Why, Secret?!

Our Democracy Needs Work

All across the country there are reports of displeased voters. A poor black neighborhood in Virginia had but one working voting machine (out of seven). In my office, two out of three registrants were forced to use provisional ballots because they weren't on "the list" even when they were brandishing their Acknowledgment Notices.

And to add insult to injury, the polling representative at one such place was being played by Hank Azaria (in the Bird Cage) only with a thicker neck and more body glitter. Wagging finger, lisping, and all, (s)he refused to call the county clerk to verify a voter's status (which upon later clarification, turns out to be an active registration).

What is going on?

Why can't we all just get along? Why can't we all just carry out our god-given (or constitutional) right to vote, have it count, have the number totaled and have that number decide our president? I realize I'm skipping some electoral college intricacies, but you get my drift.

It's hard for me, the aforementioned marginalized voter, to swallow that these things happen. Instead I switch into paranoia that something corrupt is going on. That we, the young, new, and often colored, registrants are slipping through cracks. And in such a bright blue state as New York, one would assume that these things are handled the best way possible.

I guess I'm just rambling at this point and am not sure where to go with this. I just find it suspicious.

Here's a map of callers to the CNN voter helpline. The darker the color, the more complaints.

Things that make ya go hm, indeed.

http://www.cnn.com/ELECTION/2008/voter.hotline/